Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
