I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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