Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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