last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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