At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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