How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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