Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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