oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
