i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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