Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
