the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize