sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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