I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
