Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize