Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Farmville is her only friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my shit smells like andre
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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