i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
