I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
