she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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