also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
