when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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