This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
