cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
