I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
