On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
