My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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