I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize