THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Come see our sink grown plant.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
