Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
