We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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