Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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