I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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