the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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