R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
