that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
