i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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