idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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