He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
