Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
