you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
