Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
