after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
