forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
