You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
