Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
