You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
