talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
