Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
