You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My bed smells like the plague
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize