Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
