Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
