yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
