What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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