and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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