The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
