Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
