I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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