i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
