I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
