eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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