I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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