the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
