I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
