I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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