I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
