dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
