My nipple is on Facebook.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
