i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
