fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
