I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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